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Sun, 10/4 4:30PM • 54:27
From The Grave Clothing, CO.

From The Grave Clothing, CO. 00:03
Yo shout out Micky Mouth doing his thing. Always create in pouring love and passion into his music. And if you heard it, you know he gave a little nod to from the grave. I appreciate that. It's all love. He's up in Destin, Florida doing his thing. Make sure you check them out and all media platforms. Micky mouth. Yo, Yo, what is going on party people. Welcome to Episode 51 from the grave podcast. This is on the pulse of life very, very excited about it. Which leads me into our sponsor Matt Cardone meditation. Learn how to do Vedic meditation with Matt Cardone. It's very, very simple. It's an ancient spiritual practice that has been handed down through the ages. That simply dips us into the truer and intrinsic part of ourself. It shows us how to handle what to do with our thoughts how to relieve ourselves from the identification of our mind and everything it tells us that we are No daily this and that and guided meditation and all this crazy mindfulness, jazz, none of that. Simply getting in touch with who you truly are. And have an experience that can lead you into a more present aware and fulfilled life. I can't speak highly enough about it. I want to recruit all You son of a guns, please reach out. I have like three three homies that have joined joined our crew thus far. It's put them on a new trajectory. It's great impact and myself. And actually this episode is really honestly a lot about it. So I'm very, very excited about this episode. And then also, as you know, this podcast is partnered with recovery through repetition, my buddy Jeremiah and Octavio over at FTX wellness recovery through repetition is simple non for profit organization. They have donation base workouts throughout the week. They have yoga on Monday at 7pm ft x wellness group workout Friday night 7pm with Jeremy and then Saturday morning at 10am. All these workouts are donation based. So we can raise money in order to sponsor other people who are looking to fulfill their fitness goals and dreams and to getting certified be a yoga teacher. CFL1, NASM certification, whatever that may be. Great community. Great cause to get behind. Please come out and check us out man. It's all love. Don't be intimidated. call somebody up. We'll meet you there. People usually get grab food afterwards. It's all fun and it's all love. Um, aside from that, happy birthday, Jeremiah. We celebrated his birthday on Friday nights. Let's see. I think that's about it, man. And yeah, I hope you guys enjoy this episode if you do be so kind to leave a review on Apple podcast. And also, the greatest thing you can do man is share it with your friends you know, share it, put it to your story, tag me tag a couple people that you think need to hear it. Hit me up if you have any topics that you think may be cool to be covered or whatever the case may be, man. And yeah, I hope you guys have an awesome day unless you plan otherwise. I never thought happiness was possible. And it's not that I thought it was. It wasn't possible it said it. It wasn't, it didn't seem available to me or when I reached it, it always slipped through my fingers. And when I reached it, I had to keep doing it over and over and over again. I experienced it in moments when I was playing football or skateboarding or I remember building ramps as a kid and fucking just, you know, now halen fuckin two by fours together and plywood and jump in my bike. Breaking collarbones, and just being a kid. And that was fucking awesome. You know? It was like, the first thing I knew I could ever be happy about. Not that I could be happy about but it's the first thing that I knew. I knew I loved. And it was always like this extreme sports, you know, it was snowboarding, skateboarding, you know, backflip in just doing crazy shit. You know, we used to fucking we used to run around the neighborhood. And I didn't grow up. Like, you know, my mom wasn't rich. It was actually kind of I don't want to say white trash, because it absolutely wasn't. But it was, it was like it was poor. I mean, I was in kind of like a rough, rough neighborhood, if you will. I don't want to say rough neighborhood. They're just like it was you know, we didn't have a lot of money. You know, I had a frickin rock driveway, and a basketball hoop that lined the driveway. Like it wasn't at the top of the driveway where you could use the whole driveway, it paralleled the driveway. So you had like, you know, How wide is the driveway, six foot. So you had six foot of stone that was packed in pretty good because of the cars parked on it. And then grass, which I just beat into the ground from playing basketball. And I always had this repetitive repetitive nature that brought me happiness, right. So it's like, you know, when you make that shot, and you hit that three just right. You like you need to do it again. And again. And again. And it's you know, I don't know how to explain that, you know, when I think sports are just like that. When I when I used to skateboard, it was fucking you know, you nail that that heel flip in that pop hits just right, or you land a variable flip for the first time. And you had been trying to catch that spin and that, you know, that flick for the last three hours out in the road. And you finally nail it. That's all you can think about. It's all you can think about. And that it's like, you nail it, and it's dark out. So you're skating in the dark, and then by the time you land it, you ain't getting another one. So then you gotta retire, go to bed. You're so stoked on a new trick that you can't sleep. And the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning, look out the window, see if it's dry out. And if it's dry out, we're getting her done, you know? And yeah, I'm not even sure if, like how do you explain that? You know what I mean? Or like and then it transfers it stays there as you get older, you know? And it's like, okay, you're not skateboarding anymore. Scott, you broke both your feet and your left ankle, you should probably hang it up, get your shit together. So then you get into like working out right? And pull ups and handstand. I was always doing calisthenics and shit. You know, my Uncle Steve was walking on his hands. He used to always walk on his hands just up and down the yard like for ever and I thought it was the coolest shit in the world. And I want it to be like that. I love my Uncle Steve. Oh, he's a he's a hard headed Irishman. And he's, you know, he's had a fucking rough life man. He just you know, he's a he's a rough and tough type of guy. You know, temper, but always was like real cool. You know what I mean? Maybe that it was that that was His issue was, you know, it was always about being being cool, whatever the cost, whatever the cost, and we know where that leaves us, right? But I still I still look at him. Like he like he's walking on his hands. Anytime I see him. I'm just like, I think he's the coolest motherfucker around, you know. So he had me, you know, doing handstands and walking on my hands pretty much before I could walk. I mean, this son of a bitch, he would throw me in the air dude, like, as high as he possibly could make my mother frickin go nuts. You know, he had me. Yeah, we'd have this old road bike and I was born, we used to live at my, my mom had me when she was young, she was like, 19, and we live in my grandparents for a little bit. And so you know, the old, you know, 80s 90s like plastic child seat, that would attach behind the seat of a bike. And you would just have to fucking Hold on, you know, I mean, you just hold on. And, you know, fucking this shit was not safe. My Uncle Steve man, he used to get on that son of a bitch. And Papa really going down the street and my mother would freak out. But I thought it was the coolest shit in the world, you know, again, and again and again. And he was just it was always those moments. It's funny how we remember those those simple, simple moments in our life. And to be honest, like those good memories, those little little slots in life that seemed to be covered up by the ashes of the past, I think as you stay sober, or you begin to really do some work on yourself, and dig, you can swim through the ashes of the past and find some jewels there, you know, because there's two stories in my life. And that's, you know, how I grew up, and my childhood, and how I got here, and then my actual childhood, right, so it's like, I always see it through this lens, and we can tend to be really, really tragic. Well, it's tragic. Up until the point, I remember all the cool shit my uncle did with me, you know? So it's really, really about, you know, what type of perspective Am I holding on to in my life. And the more I focus on the negative, the more the negative is going to be exacerbated in any area of my life, specifically with other people in relationships, be it my family, my loved ones, whoever and they, in my fucking cat drives me nuts. You know, it's always this lens. And, you know, if we have the courage, we can almost draw positivity and good jewels out of people, if we really have the ability to mold our consciousness into that. You know, and I think that's what what Emmett fox is always talking about. The golden key, which is wherever the trouble exists, you know, it could be negativity, let's just say is the trouble. Wherever the problem exists, he says, The golden key, right, which is to not try to get rid of the problem, but simply to see God where the illusion of the problem exists. So you could say, you know, um, let's just say I had a negative view of my, my uncle, you know. And I'm remembering that I can't stand him, you know, Baba, Baba, Baba, whatever. But then through contemplation and calm, thoughtful reflection, upon each relationship in my life can deepen my insight. So all of a sudden, I stumbled upon these jewels, and it brings a smile to my face, and more importantly, my spirit. Therefore, I begin to fan that flame even more, and remember the good things and next thing, you know, that person is growing into the greatest person I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. And when it's a more intimate relationship, and people you see on a regular basis, you know, you know, we talk about this, this new age stuff and change your energy and change your vibration and, you know, get that that feeling that spark within you, and that's going to attract everything to your life. Well. You know, it's not as simple and foofy as we tend to explain it, but it is true. So I say this all the time of vitalized spirit, but simply by itself and its own function will vitalize another person. That's why we never apologize for depending upon God or our Creator, we simply let him demonstrate through us our conviction. And when we never apologize for living in such a way to bring vitality to our life, Marianne Williamson says, it automatically liberates others. And I say that with humility, it's just, if you're intent on healing your spirit, you're going to attract other people that are ready to bring healing into their own lives and into their spirit. It's just going to happen, like attracts light. You know, we got to understand that this is a universal truth. And you know, if we can have the willingness to look into that, like into our life, we can begin to see that thread. You know, every bad thing that ever came to me in my life, I was in the worst negative mind state ever. And then some will say in the crowd, well, Scott, like what if you got cancer right now? You seem to be in a great mind state. What if you got cancer? Well, who's to say that the cancer is a negative experience? Right? Because what could that lead to? Oh, my God. And I say this with so much respect, because, you know, I've, I've never had anybody in my family pass up cancer or anything like that. All I'm saying is that, you know, I love this the Scripture, I believe it's Proverbs, but it says His ways are higher than our ways. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts, just as the heavens are higher than the Earth. So His ways are higher than our ways. And just as the rain will fulfill its purpose and bring growth to the earth. So we'll hit his will, in our life, bring fruition, you know, and so like attracts like. And so really, if we believe that, then my only business and life is my perception is my vision and intent. You know? And it's like, the ego cries out. Well, what is there left for me to do? What am I going to do? And it's like, nothing. Nothing. Just, you know, just eat that spiritual food. Contemplate who you are. Meditate, experience yourself at the deepest level of who you are. Ask yourself, you know, okay, someone asked you who I am. Well, Scott, I'm in sales. I'm a son, I'm a brother. I'm a CrossFit bro. I'm a cat that, or whatever. I'm naming our roles that I play in my life. And it's so interesting, because, you know, there's so many loud voices in our lives. And whichever voice or character is most scared that day, that's the loudest voice in the room in the head. So I'm reading this book right now, Eckhart Tolle new heaven and new earth, I've been talking about it. And so you ask yourself, it's like, you know, when I'm meditating, right? You can have whatever type of thought come into your mind. At nighttime, it's usually I'll usually remember instances throughout the day, and then I'm like, should I have responded like that? Was that kind was that consider it, you know, and I'll remind you, I'm supposed to be working with a mantra, mantra mantra. So I'm saying within myself mantra, mantra, mantra, mantra, but also, like the mantra will slip away. And then voices, that those type of thoughts will come in. And some of them are pleasant thoughts, and some of them are annoying thoughts. But regardless, it ebbs and flows and back and forth mantra, you know, and thought life. And so, even when I'm saying the mantra, the question is, who is saying it? Who's saying the mantra Because I'm hearing the mantra, okay, I can hear it. But I'm not saying it with my words. It's like it's just like reverb in my mind. You know, I asked my teacher about and I said, like, who's in he basically said it's a pulse, a pulse. So if you were to, you know, check your pulse right now. who's saying your pulse? Where is your pulse coming from? Where is your heartbeat coming from? You know, I don't have to think about taking a breath. My body just naturally does it. Well, who is taking the breath? It is the natural function of our spirit. It's literally the breath of life. In Genesis, God talks about he pulled man up from the clay and breathe life into him. I remember asking this gentleman Garrett, I was in treatment, I was out of my mind. I was I needed everything explained to me, Oh, God, how I needed everything explained to me. And there's this step in recovery. Step three, it's called, made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. And I would say, How the fuck am I supposed to know what God's will is? And how do I turn off some of it? And he goes, take a breath. You know, so I did, obviously. And then he mentioned that scripture, God pulled man up from clay and breathed life into him and he goes, as long as you have breath, you can be certain that the will of God is operating in your life. And now that's beautiful to me. But at the moment, it was fucking annoying, because he still didn't give me an answer. I was like, so he goes, Yeah, fucking him. And like, of course, I had Bravo, give me an answer, tell me how to live my life. But as an elder statesman, he he simply said by that, number one he pointed to a direction he pointed to a signpost that helped him out. And he knew he couldn't give me my answer. He knew that it was my story, I had the right, my snow covered hill with no tracks that I had to walk up and create my own path. He knew this, the man was like 30 years sober, a devout Catholic, a huge influence in the community. So we pay attention to this pulse, or this heartbeat. And that happens effortlessly. grass grows effortlessly. It's just its function. And there's so many things in life that have this, this rhythm that is natural. And it's been here since the beginning of time. And I think now more than ever, we need to get in touch with that at all costs. To the point where we need to abandon ourselves, to anything and everything that doesn't match up with the pulse of our life. Everything else pales in comparison. Because if that's the spark of life, then everything we experience throughout our days, in our relationships, our job, the music, we listen to our friends, the things we do for fun. All of that stems from that heartbeat, that pulse. And if we can't get in touch with that, then we'll just continue to be lost. And I'm speaking about myself Of course, because that's, you know, that's been my deal. was just being lost for a while. And I know that that last feeling when you're when you're just drifting, and you're completely identified with your mind, taking all your thoughts completely serious. Any thought you have you attach yourself to it and say that is me. And I have no control over my thoughts. And I'm being driven? driven isn't, you know, nudged or pushed. I'm talking, like, get in the passenger seat and shut the fuck up while I run your damn life. the Grateful nature of addiction and alcoholism, is that car eventually crashes. And you get to see that you were in the fucking passenger seat. And you're a slave to the driver, aka the destructive mind, the mind of destructive taste, as Allison chains would say. Now, if you don't have an experience, the metaphor of the car crashing. It's so much easier. Robin just texted me. That's so funny. I was thinking about her all day today. And that's so funny. Because I know she's reading the same book as me. I know, I'm not gonna be able to get track on thought. But I know she's reading the Eckhart Tolle book, and I was gonna hit her up today and say, Hey, are you done reading it? And when we're done, do you want to have a podcast and review it together? So hopefully, that'll that'll happen. Let me see if I can find that thought again. Oh, crashing, okay, we got it. shadow is sleeping right in front of my computer and just chillin while we rip this podcast. And I couldn't be more excited about it. Also, I've been a little sick, my throat has been a little sore. So that's why I keep on clearing my throat. So you have So my point is this, if you're not suffering through addiction, you may not come come up against an experience in life, which crashes your car and forces you to realize you've been a slave to your mind. If that be the case, then it's even more imperative that you tap into awareness, that pulse of life because if you don't, you will continue to be controlled by your mind. And being controlled by your mind looks like I'm a slave. To my regret, you know, and just to say like, if you're not addicted to heroin, or alcohol, can be addicted to control. We can be addicted to our regret. We can be addicted to emotional abandonment. We can be addicted to victimization, persecution, rescuing. And all these are traumatic thought patterns that establish themselves as strongholds in our mind, and honestly pimp us out like a $2 hoe. And we don't even realize it's happening. Until we crash the car, right? There's always some type of turning point, some type of event that shakes us up and wakes us up, hopefully. And that is life screaming at you, you know, and in that book that I'm reading Eckhart Tolle, New Heaven, New Earth, he says, life will give you whatever experience you need in order to evolve your consciousness. So with the whole cancer rebuttal that I mentioned a little bit ago, who's to say that the cancer is bad, right? Because we've heard stories of people that get cancer or something like that, and come into a sense of awareness and spiritual liberation that they've never known before. Whether they experienced death, death, excuse me, after that bout with cancer or not. So if life will give us whatever experience we need in order to evolve our consciousness, you know, we could structure it like this is that, you know, God's gonna give us whatever you need in order to get you closer to him. And closer to him is truth, love, freedom, joy, happiness, forgiveness, no resentment, letting go and letting God no need for control. All the illusions of control have been set to set to fire you know, And these are the simple, the simple things that are intangible that you almost can't put words to that begin to happen on the inside of you. So, through it all awareness is my everything. Awareness is my it's my Excalibur it's my greatest responsibility. You know, Spider Man, with great power becomes great responsibility. And if awareness is stuck in the rock, in awareness is Excalibur. Right? And the rock is symbolic of your flawed subconscious mind, where you don't even know your awareness is locked up in that and it can't be retrieved. Well, you are retrieving that sword, you are the conscious mind. So you're retrieving awareness and liberating it. But now it is literally a double edged sword. It becomes your greatest responsibility. You know, I was talking about this with a friend last night. And, you know, we were talking about, you know, having awareness and, you know, being so grateful to, to stumble upon Excalibur. And, you know, have this this zeal for reading books like Eckhart Tolle and things like that scripture, whatever, and just seeking because let's be honest, there's a lot of us who don't seek and once you know, they're Excalibur has never been retrieved. They're dominated by their subconscious mind, where all their traumatic thought patterns are expressing themselves day in and day out, which, by the way, is still part of my experience. I'm not coming from a place of holier than thou at all. And that's what we were speaking about is, there's such a, a, you have to be so careful and so considerate. When you operate and interact with people who push your buttons, who are who are perhaps in your head most of the time, let's be honest, it's our family. It's the ones closest to us. So it's so important. This man Adam, who, who was like the, the who was everything, to me, who was the turning point who gave me my spiritual perception and glasses, and my foundation of everything when I was very young. He said, Scott, never ever use spirituality. To put others down, he believed there was no greater setting than that. And I can 100% agree with him. He's, you know, the only reason why I'm privy to this stuff. It was because I was hell bent on self destruction. So how dare I use it to Lord over above a Lord over others who simply haven't had their car crash yet? You know, what, a fucking prick. What a prick. And that's just super important. So we were talking about that, and how tough it is. And, you know, she was saying that she read a quote. And she was, it was like, you know, if you met your family on the street, and you had an interaction with them, would you want to be friends with them? That's a fucking hell of a, you know. I'll have a quote. Or a lofty proposal. And I'm grateful to say, yeah, you know, I'm my mom's a shit. You know, my stepdad. You know, he's the shit as well. My little sisters are fucking awesome. Like, I'm talking about mousy. So the question is here. The question is, okay, that's a lofty proposal, but who's to say in my wearing the glasses, or the positive glasses, just like we started in the beginning of this. Okay, if I were to meet my family on the street, they can't be all bad, right? I don't know. I'm asking, you know, can they truly be all bad? I think for sure there's probably some really traumatic scarred people who you know are just like, get the fuck out of here on Not today say and you know, but You know, I think there's probably a majority of people. Excuse me, I think there's probably a majority of people who, you know, could meet their family on the street. And you can either be wearing negative glasses, or you can search out the positive stuff. And now, that doesn't mean that friendship is required to hang out every single day, it means you can still take them in as loved ones, and have firm boundaries set in place. That's everything, right? But it is truly, truly hard to begin to practice this stuff with other people who are mirroring us, and who are our twin and our reflection, and they talk about the same foofy spiritual stuff or, you know, I want to call Robin and talk about Eckhart Tolle. It's easy to love on Robin. It's so easy. Number one, she's fucking awesome. Okay, number two, if she's reading my book, you know, we got shit to talk about. We're both excited or enthralled by the same material. bone. But how about the beaten down ragamuffin the unlovely creature 30 days sober, rude. sweats. cusses a lot disrespectful, self absorbed, but you know that there's awareness on the inside of him that he can get to just the same way that you were gifted opportunity to get to where you are today? Are we looking for just reflections of ourselves to make us feel warm and fuzzy? Or are we truly carrying the sword of love and service, which by the way, Excalibur is all about all about when he accepts his rightful place as King Arthur, wielder of Excalibur he steps into rain his kingdom through love and service and changes everything because who's to say Listen, I'll tell you right now there's no more God in me. Then the beaten down homeless panhandler I saw today off the 95 exit begging for begging for money with a shit COVID mask on. Who am I? He still has the pulse. He still has the pulse. He still is operating by the natural course of rhythm we're living just the same what because my ego has made its demonstration in this world. And I'm sky and I'm sober and spirituality and blah blah blah what now I think that I have more no fuck that dude. So we should learn to isn't isn't nom? I'm not a yogi. But you know nama stay means I bow to the God within you. I bow to that, I honor that. See, they're looking straight through. They're looking straight through the physical reality, the person they're looking through, whether they're looking through the judgments, you're ugly, you're pretty you have tattoos. You don't have tattoos. You're wearing Lulu lemon. Oh, you're not wearing brand stuff. Oh, you know, you got Bo, you smell really good. Oh, he's very fit. He's not fit. Oh, I like his gold chain or see, they bow straight to the source. I honor the God within you. And now you can see how our sight how our how our eyes, get us in trouble. I don't remember the interview. And I may have heard this through a second source. I may have heard it through a speaker. And like an actual like, you know, spiritual speaker not like a Bose speaker. If there was this old Indian chief, and I'm not even going to try to pronounce his name because I know I'll get it wrong. And he was being interviewed. And he closed his eyes for the whole interview. And, you know, after the first couple questions, the journalist interviewer was like, you know, Chief whatever. out of luck, so are you know it might have been what is it Black Hawk? Oh my god, no, what is it? I forget anyways, says chief Why do you close your eyes and he said, without missing a beat because my eyes lied to me. He wanted to give himself truthfully in spirit to every answer without judgment. I mean, that is life living from the pulse of your experience. Now, I used to study environmental ethics when I was in college back in New York, Columbia College, Missouri. I'm like two classes away from an environmental studies associates degree. And I was really, really into environmental ethics. And I read this book called changes in the land. And it was about when the Europeans came over here to America, and made their settlement and began, you know, putting up fences and claiming the land, right. And what the stark difference between us and the Indians is we came over, and ego identified with the land and we said, this is our land, we claim it, we'll put up fences here, this is where our crop is. This is where we build our homes. This is where our children will be raised. This is where we will train. This is our land, completely identified with the mind taking ownership over something that's been there for millions of fucking years. Think about that. How can we take ownership over something that's been there for millions of years? That Indians they understood this intrinsically. They moved with the land they moved with the seasons, when the salmon was were spawning and running. Where did they live, they lived by the river. And they read retrieved life from the river. When that season was over, and, and wild game was prolific. They lived in the middle of the land and hunted game, and honored every animal they killed and used it completely, they use the fur, they ate all the meat, even down to their weapons, right, they would carry tomahawks axis, right the the axes, the blade was made of stone clearly. And the handle was made of wood, to the point where once they were done with the tool, they would keep the stone and burn the handle and give it back to that season of life. See, they honored what they called the Great Spirit. And then we came over and said, You got it all wrong. Confess your sins and accept Christ as your Lord and Savior. I'm sorry. But as we're talking about this, you know, who's more spiritual here? Who is honoring the spirit and the pulse of life which Christ preached about more than the other? I mean, every one of Christ parables, what did he pointed to? He pointed to nature to the fig tree, the demonstration of ocean, Moses and the ocean, the burning bush. I mean, the living living waters, the floodgates of heaven. I mean, you can go on and on and on. You know, it's just, you know, so it doesn't matter what we call it, you know, and even the ancient Aztecs and Mayans, you know, someone was out, you know, they would, they would seemed like they were worshipping the sun and someone asked him, but we don't worship the sun, we worship the power behind the sun, straight to the pulse, straight to the pulse. This is before they were indoctrinated and flooded with information and all this shit that we have today. They intrinsically found this pulse, just by living with being a part of and not apart from, you know, and we came in and what created genocide and completely identified ourselves with our ego, and took over the land as it's ours and claim the New World. Get the fuck out of here, man. Get the fuck out of here. You know, and I think it's so Important to get in touch with that, that primitive spirit. And I think that that, I think that's a, that's collateral beauty of when you can get in touch with that pulse or your deepest awareness of life. And I'm by no means saying that I'm there at all. I've just been stumbling upon some stuff that's like screaming that at me, you know, and I see that it's, like, more important than ever. You know, it's so funny how, you know, we want mirror images of ourselves. And it's really like, it's so it's self absorbed, if you think about it, not that we have to bend and break ourselves to help every, you know, rough around the edges person. That's not what I'm saying. But if there's not at least one aspect in your life, or one person in your life, where you are bending, and trying to bow to the God within them, and really trying to help, and practice love and service where it is most tough. I want to like encourage you to really, really try that. Because there's some great, there's nothing like there's some great things that can happen in those moments. And you begin to see when you take the time to relate to another human being, even though they may be disheveled in their character in their life, that you're really not that much different. I mean, I would dare to say that we're all more alike in our defects and our shortcomings. And we are of our virtues. No. I mean, does not the devil have more of a hold on this world than anything else? I certainly had his lot in my life. You know, there's, you know, in like Hinduism and things, things of this nature. And, you know, they don't, I'm pretty sure I'm getting this right. And I forget where I read this, but, you know, they don't worship, they don't believe in the devil who believes in the devil Christians do. It's the power that we give it that creates the havoc over life. I'm not saying that there's negative, there's not negative forces at work within our lives. 100%. But we're not like for instance, I'm not concerned with heaven or hell. I'm not concerned with how I've already lived. I've been I've lived in places within my own mind that I wouldn't wish wish scuze me on my worst enemy. You know, I've just fuckin I never want to be there again. You know, it's just fucking it's torment. And it all comes from within yourself. Joseph Campbell says all the heavens all the hell's and all the gods are within you. wrap your mind around that one, all the heavens, all the hells and all the gods are within you, within you. And the more I resist this evil nature, the more I say, I'm just a good man, I'm just a good man. I think that evil will, can and will rise up and grab me by the throat. It was only when I started to get intimate with my weakness, that it begin to lose its power over my life. And when you get intimate with your shadow and say, welcome, you open the door and you pull out a chair and you sit down and have dinner. And you experience the things within yourself that you know you don't like and you have that car crash. I think that's where it all starts and you really begin to like dig up some roots. And it's uncomfortable and it sucks and you're anxious and you're depressed and your friends are wondering what the fuck is going on with you. And you need time alone. And you know, all that shit is collateral damage, and it turns into collateral beauty. Here's my ego for the night I coined that phrase collateral beauty. Use it, love it, use it as your own. But yeah, there's so much collateral beauty in life when you begin to really say, Okay, let's, uh, let's see what's going on here. You know? And then once you do that, and you begin to get intimate with your shadow, and your weaknesses and all that stuff that's included. You get shoved to the pulse, you know, you get to say okay, if this is who I am like, if this is the weakness in the evening within me when I'm not accustomed to that awareness, and I'm just stumbling and fumbling through my life with hands over my eyes, thinking that I can see, then what happens when the veil gets risen, and a new world comes into view, that shadow stuff begins to fall away, and the opacity of it becomes clear. And then all of a sudden, I'm in the rapture of awareness, and I just want more of it. So it's not about combating the shadow. It's about clearing, clearing at clearing up that awareness within me see darkness. Let me see if I'm going to say this, right? darkness doesn't exist. And the shadow proves that the sun shines, if there's light coming in my window in my apartment, and then I just go about my years, and I never clean the window. And it gets cluttered and blacked out, I'm going to be living in darkness, it's going to get muggy, it's going to get dusty. And there's just going to be clutter that's going to build up in my apartment. My job is to clean the window to clear up the wreckage of the past, sweep away the ashes of a past life. And in that facing that the light is going to take its natural effect and do what it's supposed to do. And then body its own pulse. And that's to shed light on you and your life. And nothing can be more simply beautiful than that. So that's my job Mazur. Just clean the fucking window. Let the light breach, you know. And, man, that's something to think about, though, hmm, that pulse, that it's a natural function of me. And if I'm sitting and I'm meditating, and I'm repeating a mantra, who's saying the mantra, if I'm listening to the mantra, but you're also saying it, who am I? In that moment? I'm identifying with no roles. I'm not a son. I'm not a brother. I'm not an employee. I'm not a cat, Dad, I'm not a podcaster. I'm not a brand owner. None of that. None of that exists in that moment in that pulse in that beat. So then the question is, who am I? Well, I'm the watcher. I'm the consciousness, watching and experiencing my thoughts, and paying attention to myself. And then if we, if we can really say okay to that, and let go of this hope for the future. And we hope we get this. And we hope we get that and we hope this works out and her and him and this will pan out when we're hooked, and it's not bad to be expected to have good things. But when we're a slave and rather attached to hope, and that things may be different in the future. We can never settle into who we truly are right now in this moment. And anything you're ever going to need in life is right now here in this moment, and the more we are attached to things that don't have anything to do with this moment, the more we create our own suffering. Nobody else is doing it. It's all on me. It always has been and it always will be. Thank you guys for listening. Love you.